feels kinda cool to be able to blog in ocs, life has been alright but things are just tough around here and there is really not much free time. guess maybe its a good thing. really miss some things but maybe the past is the past. but certainly it will be one of my best memories. :)

going in for 3 weeks, and everything is going to be so much tougher. i m quite scared. maybe sometimes things have been taken for granted, and now that its gone, a feeling of emptiness pervades my every inch. i dunno what will keep me going now. have to leave my house at 6 plus in the morning tml, i really dread every single hour that pass. pls jus let time fly. jus let it fly.......

my sergeant called me just now to trick me and told me that i went guards, and somehow i felt a little happy maybe because the camp was really close to my house and all but once it sunk in and i thought of the training was going to be as tough as commandos i kinda flipped out. but i must say he was really quite a good actor! i really believed him for a while till he started laughing! but all in all i must really thank him and sergeant samuel for telling me my posting results even though they r not supposed to! quite fortunate to have 2 sergeants that treat me like their own brother coz they are really nice to me. :)

anyw, i really have mixed feelings right now. i have been posted to OCS. i mean its like momentary happiness but then when i think of what lies ahead, i feel unsure. 3 weeks confinement once again. i guess this time it will be harder to pass.

life is just so ironic.

have to book in tml afternoon again. just feel so dead. have no mood whatsoever. anyw, had fun time catching up with mark and mingzhou today, went over to bugis and jus sat there and talked about all those carefree times we used to have. out of a sudden i wished i was back in VS and VJ. and mingzhou gave terrifying recounts of what will happen in ocs. anyw mark had to book in and had to meet his girlfriend and all for dinner.
me and mingzhou jus hanged around and i decided to complete my quest, so walked from bugis to raffles place then to suntec, where i saw the really cool bear factory shop thingy, okay maybe i m a teeny weeny outdated, then all the way from hereen to wisma to shaw to opposite of far east. finally managed to accomplish it. then went to the kinokuniya bookshop and we just sat down to read. basically we just crapped all the way thru and headed to parkway for our dinner. intended to go some place along katong called dunno what, which served really good and economical western food but the queue was freaking long! shall go and try sometime.

another day has passed, guess there isnt much time left. :(

real love,like real life
is never perfect,
somehow real problems always find us
sometimes angry words are spoken
sometimes we just get on each other's nerves
bu the important thing to remember
is that our love is always there,
full of forgivness and understanding,
waiting for more happy times to share.
real love is powerful stuff,
it doesnt need to be perfect to survive and grow
can only be strong if it survive a few tough times
we will get through this

Alarie Tennile

a sleepless night.



spend hours tossing around thinking of what has happened. i was really impulsive, too sensitive.and not just once but on many occassions. i m sorry for bringing so much unhappiness and i dun wish to do that anymore. i dun think there is a need to explain any of my actions because it was just wrong. i dun know how long you dun wish to talk to me, maybe a while maybe forever.

you have become an integral part of my life.night phone calls, morning messages. just hearing your voice, your messages to me, become my sole source of strength to tide me through the toughest times.
i know i shouldnt have forced but hope you understand its really because i am very worried. its the kind of feeling you will only get when the significant other matters so much to you. maybe i came too strongly, maybe i just dunno how to show care and concern in the appropriate way, i dunno. if i did, i apologise for that.
we are both still in the process of understanding each other better and maybe because we still dun fully understand each other thats why even the smallest things turn into a misunderstanding. and most of the of times its because i think too much, i promise i will change but its going to be a tough transition because it is not something i can change overnight. if you feel that this is probably too difficult to bear, i will understand and i wont blame you.

these past 6 months have been the greatest time i have spent. we have gone through so much to get together and i just dun wish for such a beautiful relationship to end because of a rash and impulsive mistake that i made. i hope you could give me just one last chance for us to work things out.

an ardous journey lies ahead but i believe we can make it to be something wonderful, something extraordinary, would you take my hand and walk the rest of this journey with me?


Never knew I could feel like this
Like I've never seen the sky before
Want to vanish inside your kiss
Every day I love you more and more
Listen to my heart, can you hear it sings
Come back to me, and forgive everything
Seasons may change, winter to spring
But I love you until the end of time


Suddenly the world seems such a perfect place
Suddenly it moves with such a perfect grace
Suddenly my life doesn't seem such a waste
It all revolves around you
And there's no mountain too high
No river too wide
Sing out this song and
I'll be there by your side
Storm clouds may gather
And stars may collide
But I love you until the end of time

Oh, come what may,
come what may
I will love you,
I will love you
Suddenly the world seems such a perfect place

how apt.


We'll do it all
Everything
On our own
We don't need Anything
Or anyone
If I lay here
If I just lay here
Would you lay with me and just forget the world?
I don't quite know
How to say
How I feel
Those three words I've said too much
They're not enough
If I lay here
If I just lay here
Would you lie with me and just forget the world?
Forget what we're told
Before we get too old
Show me a garden that's bursting into life
Let's waste time
Chasing cars
Around our heads
I need your grace to remind me to find my own
If I lay here If I just lay here
Would you lay with me and just forget the world?
Forget what we're told
Before we get too old
Show me a garden that's bursting into life
All that I am
All that I ever was
Is here in your perfect eyes, they're all I can see
I don't know where
Confused about how as well
Just know that these things will never change for us at all
If I lay here
If I just lay here
Would you lay with me and just forget the world?

i hate myself for thinking so much but sometimes i really cant help it. i dun want to say it anymore. its the worse feeling i m having. all these misunderstanding is slowly killing me inside. maybe i am just not bf material at all. i hate to make someone upset and i know i have done so repeatedly. why must all these happen especially to the one i love so much. i really jus want to run away for now.

i once tot i could give all the happiness but unknowingly i m actually a source of unhappiness....